Reality Sucks

posted: 8 February 2008 by Alan Maddrell

Reality stars turn to music. It's a recipe for the very worst music videos you will ever see. Alan Maddrell checks out some ripe old beauties...

Heidi Montag made a name for herself in the States as a supporting character in the MTV reality television series The Hills. She studied fashion for a bit but decided this was too much hard work.

Boob job, bikini, platinum bottle job, one camera and a beach. And a track that sounds like a demo track from a mid-80s Casio synthesiser. Strap yourself in, this is possibly the worst music video you will ever see...

Actually, scratch that. We are never a nation to back down from a challenge and if the gauntlet's been thrown down to provide a truly stinky reality TV attempt at a cash-in, we will not be defeated! We've posted this vid before but any excuse. If you can sit through this without eating your own head in disgust at the comprehensive appallingness of Shabnam's cover of Shout, you are a better man than me. Commence torture!

Phew. Better now? Don't worry. It'll pass.

Unless of course you subject yourself to Samanda (aka the Twins) taking on Aqua's magnum opus Barbie Girl. In fairness to the girls, it displays a degree of self-awareness. It's not a patch on Barbie's Pink Woo, of course, but that doesn't qualify as it was an ardent fan's self-created tribute. It's the one that goes 'Pink! Boys! Shopping! Clothes! Makeup! Hair stuff! Barbies! Pink! Woo!' if you remember. Anyway, here's Barbie Girl.

Alan Maddrell - Poet, bon viveur, raconteur, chef, sailor, lover, thief. At seven foot three, Alan towers over lesser beings. Fluent in over one language, he has travelled the world, studying 137 ways of killing a man using just one thumb like Sean Connery is The Presidio. He has an active interest in politics and hopes to use his modelling career as a platform to bring attention to the plight of wasps. He is a Zen Buddhist. He is 32 years old. He lies for a living, but one of these facts is true.